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- The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
- The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
- If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's the butts.
- If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.
- Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
- Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
- Please don't drive when you're not driving.
- Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
- Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.
- If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.
- The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
- If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
- Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.
- When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
- Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life--you'll never see the 'island' coming.
- Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.
- Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
- Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
- Your balding is a good thing--it subsidizes our hair care expenses.