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- If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two
separate books. - Alan King
- Men havea much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry
later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H.L. Mencken
- Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.
- H.H. Munro
- A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is
there for the rest of your life. - Jim Samuels
- A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
- A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted. - Helen Rowland
- When a woman marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the
inattention of one. - Helen Rowland
- The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
- and then marry him. - Cher
- Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in
your own name. - Advice to Joan Rivers from her mother
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe. - Jackie Mason
- Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Professor Irwin Corey
- A relative learned how to live with her husband's sleepwalking. She gave him a Hoover.
- A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible." To which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible."
- Hugh Hefner says, "It's difficult being married to a centerfold." On his wedding night he got cut by a staple.
- The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave. Marriage is made in heaven...so is lightning and thunder.
- A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
- A man was explaining to his marriage counselor how he really loved his wife, Edith, but he just couldn't drop his mistress, Kate. The marriage counselor shook his head and said, "You can't have your Kate and Edith too."
- Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden.
- A man said that his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
- My husband wants to go camping so he can hear the call of the wild. I told him that he could hear it for free if he'd just stay home sometimes with the kids.