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Bart Simpson's "Write It 100 Times" Chalkboard Punishment

The opening credits of The Simpsons shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, reminiscent of the whole "write it 100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each episode is usually dif ferent. These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits.

  • I will not carve gods.
  • I will not spank others.
  • I will not aim for the head.
  • I will not barf unless I'm sick.
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  • Funny noises are not funny.
  • I will not snap bras.
  • I will not fake seizures.
  • This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  • My name is not Dr. Death.
  • I will not defame New Orleans.
  • I will not prescribe medication.
  • I will not bury the new kid.
  • I will not teach others to fly.
  • I will not bring sheep to class.
  • A burp is not an answer.
  • Teacher is not a leper.
  • Coffee is not for kids.
  • I will not eat things for money.
  • I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
  • The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  • I will not call the principal "spud head".
  • Goldfish don't bounce.
  • Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  • No one is interested in my underpants.
  • I will not sell miracle cures.
  • I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  • I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  • I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  • I will never win an Emmy.
  • The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  • All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  • I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  • I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  • My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  • I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  • I am not deliciously saucy.
  • Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  • The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
  • I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  • There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  • Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  • I will not waste chalk.
  • I will not skateboard in the halls.
  • Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  • The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
  • I will not torment the emotionally frail.

  • Now back to my quotes page.