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- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
- The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
- Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
- Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
- Death to all fanatics!
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
- Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. And finally....
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.