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    Misc. Quotes From Calvin & Hobbes
    by Bill Watterson (All quotes from Calvin, unless noted otherwise)

    Mom and Dad can make the rules,
    And certain things forbid,
    But I can make them wish that they
    Had never had a kid.

  1. Mothers are the necessity of invention.
  2. Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
  3. I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
  4. Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
  5. I can never enjoy Sundays because, in the back of my mind, I always know I've got to go back to school the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before execution.
  6. The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is of it.
  7. Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
  8. True friends are hard to come by.
  9. People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.
  10. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
  11. Summer vacation days don't count if you're sick.
  12. Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
  13. Our class voted Calvin the 'most likely to be seen on the news some day'. -Susie
  14. Everybody's a slave to routine.
  15. It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
  16. I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.
  17. In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
  18. The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. -Hobbes
  19. The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
  20. Moms and reason are like oil and water.
  21. Monopoly is more fun when you make your own Chance cards.
  22. I don't know which is worse... that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. - Hobbes
  23. Miss Wormwood: "What state do you live in?"
    Calvin: "Denial."
    Miss Wormwood: "I don't suppose I can argue with that..."
  24. Hobbes: "What would you call the creation of the universe?"
    Calvin: "The Horrendous Space Kablooie!"
  25. I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.
  26. When you're as long as the pool, swimming a lap in zero seconds isn't a record. - Calvin to Hobbes
  27. Calvin: "Animals sure are dumb to have all that fur."
    Hobbes: "People sure are ugly without it."
  28. I'm related to people I don't relate to.
  29. The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing. - Susie
  30. Everytime you make a deposit, you can think, "Oh boy, another two minutes at college." - Calvin's dad
  31. It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.
  32. A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
  33. Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin. - Susie
  34. It's hard to co-exist with things that want to kill you. - Hobbes about the monsters under the bed.
  35. Calvin: "Know what I pray for?"
    Hobbes: "What?"
    Calvin: "The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference."
  36. When you think how well basic appliances work, it's hard to believe anyone ever gets on an airplane.
  37. I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
  38. Calvin: "I figured out how I can achieve success without hard work."
    Hobbes: "How?"
    Calvin: "I'll find a profession where everyone in it is worse than me."
  39. I bet other people's best friends don't wait for them to get sick and weak. - about Hobbes
  40. You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
  41. It must be depressing to go through life without a purpose. - about Susie not collecting Cap'n Naplam bubble gum cards
  42. Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time. - Calvin's dad
  43. Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.
  44. There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
  45. God put me on earth to do a certain number of things, and right now I am so far behind that I may never die.

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