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    Quotes From "Homocidal Psycho Jungle Cat"
    by Bill Watterson (All quotes from Calvin, unless noted otherwise)

  • Gosh, I never get mail! I wonder who sent this. There's no return address! In its place there's a crude human skull with X's for eyes and it's tongue hanging out! Maybe it's the IRS.
  • No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no claws....... SIGHHH.... - about being human
  • Ballastic missles fron God, I call them. - about rocks
  • If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
  • How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongols hordes got bored?
  • I don't take chances with a product that prints the date you might expire. - about milk
  • Curiosity is the essence of the scientific mind.
  • Idiocy is the essence of the male mind. - Susie
  • Little Joys of Life:
    a) Reading a new comic book
    b) Petting a happy dog
    c) getting a letter in the mail
    d) eating the marshmallows in hot chocolate
    e) smiling when a big kid calls you a nasty name... and then punching his teeth straight down his ugly neck.
  • The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
  • Calvin: "Can you make a living playing silly games?"
    His Dad: "Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet."
  • Every minute outside and awake is a good minute. - Hobbes
  • Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it FEELS like.
  • Susie: "You'd get a good grade without doing any work."
    Calvin: "So?"
    Susie: "It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned."
    Calvin: "I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that."
  • Reality continues to ruin my life.
  • The trouble is... if my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel. - about his proposed Self-Help book

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